The Season 3 Non-Guide
The order these episodes have been placed in is based on airing order and educated guess.
301 The Feminizer
Kids: Samantha, Mark, brother.
Cast Folk: Micki, Sid, Ivan.
Songs: "If You Can't Beat 'Em" (VB) "Not the Same Woman"
Non Plot: Michael Bolton finds his real talent. And there's a heart-warming discussion about beans.
Implied Moral: If it looks like candy, eat it.
302 The Cruds and the Gimps
Kids: Adam.
Cast folk: Ivan.
Songs: "Light in the Window" "All We've Ever Known"
Non Plot: Characters of a classic painting offer a lovely narrative of the status of social progress.
Implied Moral: Think twice before you rob someone, you never know where they're packing heat.
303 The Buttcracker
Kids: Matt and Christina.
Cast folk: Ivan and Amy.
Songs: "From Roundhouse To Your House" "World Be Still"
Non Plot: Dad has a flashback to childhood of being traumatized over a cold toilet seat.
Implied Moral: Fruitcake has many uses.
304 Beaver & Butt-face
Kids: Amy, Five, Lance, Roxanne, and Joe.
Cast folk: Amy, Julene, Muñoz, Micki, and Ivan.
Songs: "If He Only Knew Me" "Bottom" (VB)
Non Plot: Butter: the ultimate tool in wicked sabotage.
Implied Moral: If you can't get the attentions of the popular guy you have a crush on, then sing a song about how unfair that is and totally ignore the cute, obtainable boy that is crazy about you.
305 Lame
Kids: Kevin, Chucky, and Max Feibelman.
Cast folk: Ivan, Seymour, and Mark.
Songs: "Have A Little Faith" "I Believe In You"
Non Plot: The family is nearly torn apart… over macaroni and cheese. (But that's understandable, because it's the kind with powdered cheese.)
Implied Moral: When all else fails, there's always Whitney Houston.
306 David's Mom/The Big Head
Kids: Ned, Ray, and Fawn.
Cast folk: Ivan, Sid, and Micki.
Songs: "Go Off" (VB) "I Want To Be A Success" "Trying To Reach You"
Non Plot: There is an audition for groupies. Somehow, I was overlooked for this position.
Implied Moral: Don't ditch your friend until AFTER the product you're endorsing is approved for market.
307 The Irish Jig
Kids: Chris and Alex.
Cast folk: Amy and Ivan.
Songs: "Snaps" (VB) "Money"
Non Plot: The family buys a box of dirt. Dancing and singing ensues.
Implied Moral: The moral is… wait, are you trying to say I'm fat?
308 Intolerance
Kids: Brian and Tabitha.
Cast folk: Ivan and Amy.
Songs: "Language of Love"
Non Plot: A fine, cultural evening is had… at the expense of puppy.
Implied Moral: Oblivians are weird, go with the horse chick.
309 Wheel of Fortune Cookie
Kids: "boy's name" "girl" and "Grandma."
Cast folk: Ivan, Amy and Julene.
Songs: "Come On Back" (VB) "Geriatric Strut"
Non Plot: Wilson Phillips make a comeback. Ivan tries to flee.
Implied Moral: Granny prefers the cat's butt.
310 Puberty
Kids: Reggie, Nancy, Mo and Sheila.
Cast folk: Sid, Amy, Ivan and Micki.
Songs: "Puberty" "For You"
Non Plot: These are the love chronicles of Margarita Renee Josephine Stubblefield - oh and a sandwich.
Implied Moral: Despite popular belief, the statement, "I think it's cute when you pick your butt" is not a sign of pending break-up.
311 Elvis' Laundry
Kids: Gerald, Anne and Pete.
Cast folk: Ivan, Amy and Mark.
Songs: "The Word is Out" (VB) "Never Been a Fried of Elvis" "Read My Heart Outloud"
Non Plot: I'm just wondering how a mole could be shaped like Barry Manilow.
Implied Moral: Coaches like to be called "sweet cheeks."
312 Empty V
Kids: Sheila.
Cast folk: Amy.
Songs: "I'm Breaking Out" "Just A Dream" "Nobody Like You" (VB)
Non Plot: The world becomes safe for skinny little geeks with pokey-out ears.
Implied Moral: Spam is not tasteless with a little mustard.
313 Back Where We Belong, part 2
Kids: Andy and sister.
Cast folk: Ivan and Amy.
Songs: "Guilt Trip" "The Joke Is On You" (VB)
Non Plot: Andy is in a self proclaimed existential funk.
Implied Moral: "Silly Rabbi! Cruel Trix are for kids!"
314 Twister
Kids: Dorothy, Brian Less, Dan Steely and Lionel.
Cast folk: Amy, Sid, Ivan and Mark.
Songs: "I'm Coming Home"
Non Plot: Dad spends quality time with a milk carton.
Implied Moral: It's possible that Rebel Entertainment has an unhealthy fascination with Aaron Spelling.
315 Deception
Kids: Steve, Adam, Buddy, Charlie, Erinn and Dumb Kid.
Cast folk: Ivan, Mark, Seymour, Muñoz, Micki and Sid.
Songs: "He's a Liar" (VB) "I Still Believe In You"
Non Plot: The cast, once again, discuss their feelings for New Kids on the Block. Dumb Kid clues us in to his fascination with desert plant life.
Implied Moral: It's bad to inhale chalk dust.
